Mom Stuff

If anyone ever asked me the best part of my life, I would without hesitation answer, “Being a mom.”  At the same time, if anyone ever asked me what is the most difficult part of my life, I would also answer, “Being a mom.”  Creating and raising extensions of your heart that go out and live their own lives is a miracle and an absolute nightmare to the nerves.  Even so, if I had it to do over, I would do it again in a second.  I would probably start sooner so I could have one more challenge to my nervous system.  And as I get older, it’s not just the anxiety that is a challenge for me.  It’s remembering all of the “Mom Stuff” we have to just hold in our heads.

If you are a mom, you know what I mean.  Your head is completely full of mom stuff that you just have to remember for various reasons.  First, you have to remember everything about your children’s births and infancy even when it was a long time ago.  People will randomly ask you about the birth weights and heights of your children even when they are twenty.  I know these are monumental occasions, but I have had lots of monumental occasions in twenty years and I am not particularly good with numbers.  I DO still remember these facts for both of my children, but I do not know how much longer these numbers will stick in my head.  And I am quite certain that when I can no longer spit them out without hesitation that I will be considered a bad parent.  I have it written down somewhere!  As for when they sat up, crawled, stood up- I have absolutely no idea.  All I know is that it must have been within average range because I would have freaked out if it wasn’t, and I don’t remember freaking out.  I remember that Matthew slept through the night at twelve weeks old and Emily did at eleven weeks old.  They both walked right at twelve months.  They were both potty trained at two years old.  This is all taking up valuable brain space.  This is why I spend ten minutes searching for my car keys in my purse when they are in my hand.  Does Mark remember any of this in his head?  Absolutely not.  I doubt that he remembers that Matthew and Emily even started out as babies.  

Then moms also have to remember all of the school information.  Luckily, Matthew is in college, so I don’t have much to do with that part for him anymore.  Emily is a senior (only we don’t talk about that), so I will have a whole bunch to do with her this year.  When they were younger, I had to remember all of the teacher names, the friends’ names, the school calendar, the portal log-in.  I had to buy school supplies and sign-up for conferences and holiday parties.  I ordered school pictures and made sure they wore nice clothes.  I made sure they had all of their vaccinations and check-ups.  I packed lunchboxes.  And of course I put in special treats and wrote little notes, because that’s the kind of mom I am!  I bought presents for the teachers for all of the holidays and I went to every single school event there ever was.  And I was a teacher there, so I got in first and got myself a nice, front row seat.  Matthew was always particularly delighted by this.  As a matter of fact, that nice little coincidence allowed me to pop in on my children quite often.  I would just magically appear in their classrooms while they were working.  Emily loved this! Matthew, not so much.  All of that school info is a lot for moms to hold in their heads, especially when they have children in multiple buildings.  You practically need maps and a name key to keep it all straight.

What about the after-school practice schedules and appointment schedules?  This is truly a logistics nightmare.  My kids were never much into multiple sports at a time, but we still had choir, piano, voice lessons, and Matthew’s sports when he was younger.  Then you add in twice yearly dental appointments, annual doctor visits, eye doctor appointments, and orthodontist appointments.  I think they went to the orthodontist twice a week.  It seems like it was twice a week.  We like doctors so much that we also added in dermatologists, rheumatologists, allergists, and periodontists. My Google calendar looked like an Easter egg.  Mark did sometimes take them to these events.  To make that happen, I had to give him approximately one month’s notice.  Then, two weeks out, I had to give him daily verbal reminders.  On the actual day, I had to write him a paper note and put it by his computer.  If the event was a doctor’s appointment, I also had to write down the answers to any questions the doctor and or nurses were likely to ask.  I also had to write the name of the doctor and his/her address.  As you can see, this was more work than actually taking the child myself.  That is why I usually just took the child myself.  

Holidays also fall into the mom stuff category at our house.  Mark thinks that because I am a teacher, I am not normal when it comes to holidays.  I decorate too much, celebrate too much, get too excited, and basically am just too much.  He claims that my too-muchness causes him to shut down and not participate.  I think that is the biggest bunch of baloney I have ever heard.  There is no doubt that I am extra when it comes to holidays, but that is not what keeps Mark from participating.  He doesn’t participate because he knows I have it covered and he knows it’s a lot of work.  I remember everyone’s birthday.  I buy all the cards.  I mail all the cards.  I buy all the presents.  I deliver all the presents.  I cook all the food.  I clean everything up.  I take it all down.  I make all the plans.  I take all the pictures.  It’s no wonder that I look a hundred years old!

My favorite mom job is knowing where everything in the entire house is located.  I hear these questions daily, “Mom, where are my shoes? Mom, where are my keys? MOM! Where are my Airpods? Mom, where is my backpack?”  The best part of these questions?  I do not use ANY of those items!  I do not lay my hands on them most days.  Yet, I am the first person who is called when they go missing.  I should also mention that I am normally called before any real searching is done.  Why?  Because I can usually tell them where the item is before they have to actually move their bodies from a seated position.  My first instinct is always to tell them that the item should be where it belongs.  If they put it back where it belonged when they were finished with it, it would always be there.  I gave up on that years ago.  They will never put anything back where it belongs.  It’s not in them.  They are going to leave their stuff lying around all over.  I guess when they move out they will simply have to buy new shoes everyday.  Or perhaps they will go to work barefoot.  I don’t know.  They can’t find anything.  Matthew is particularly bad.  He opens the fridge and can’t find the milk. It is the biggest container in there.  If it’s not in front, it’s game over.  He might starve.  

I am getting older.  My mom brain can only hold so much more.  It’s a good thing that my kids are getting pretty close to grown-up.  I don’t know what I could have used that brain power for if I hadn’t had to remember all that mom stuff.  Perhaps I could have done something really important and world-changing!  Oh wait, I did.  I raised two of the most special people ever.  They make the world a better place everyday.  All that mom stuff was so worth it!