With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I thought it would be fun to reveal a few fun little secrets about myself. They will not be secrets to all of you, but some of you might be surprised by a few of these revelations. These are things that I really love, but are somewhat out of character for me.
I really, really love cats. That is not a surprise to anyone who has spent more than fifteen minutes with me. That is about how long I can go before I take out my phone and begin showing pictures of my two cats. My husband and children are quite certain that I love my cats more than I love them. Of course, this is not true. But, when I get home at the end of a long work day and everyone else is already home, the only ones to greet me in the kitchen are my two cats. They are always there waiting for me. I don’t see anyone else jumping up at the sound of my garage door. My cats never comment on my questionable attire or puffy eye bags, either. They let me watch whatever I want on TV and they always sit on my lap. They never talk back. But still, I love my people more. Really. I do.
My love of animals is not limited to just cats, though. I love almost all furry animals. And I live under the starry-eyed misconception that they all love me just as much. The only thing preventing me from holding and petting any wild animal that I see is the simple fact that I cannot catch them. I have chased dogs and cats through parking lots, around schools, through the woods, down streets, in stores- you name it. My husband has tried to stop me on numerous occasions for fear that I would contract rabies or lose a limb, but I am just convinced that if the animal will let me get close enough, it will see that I am okay and let me pick it up. I am not only attracted to wild animals; I like tame ones, too. When I worked with the summer school program, we always had an area K9 officer bring his police dog in and present a short program for the students. After the program, I would always thank the officer for his time. I knew that we were not to touch the K9 when he was on duty. The officer always made that very clear during his presentation. But that dog always sat there so still and so cute. He deserved a little pat on the head. So I did that. The officer didn’t say anything. So maybe a really quick hug around the neck would be acceptable, given that he was such a good boy. Nope. Apparently hugs were not acceptable. At least that’s what the officer had to tell me every year. I went ahead and hugged the dog every year, just in case the rules changed from year to year. In case you are wondering, this rule also applies to the dogs used to sniff for drugs at the airport. I have never actually hugged one of those dogs, because those officers look a lot scarier, but I have hinted that I would like to pet the dogs. I was told that touching the dogs in any way was strictly forbidden. Actually, I have been told that several times. I continue to ask though. I am nothing if not persistent. I am just sure that one of these times an officer will look at me and decide that I look so nice and non-threatening that I can just “borrow” the drug and bomb sniffing dog until my plane takes off. The dog and I can just cuddle and play fetch in the boarding area to pass the time.
I am a real fan of TLC and the ID channel. My husband refuses to be in the room when I enjoy my “learning documentaries.” I cannot tell you how much knowledge I have acquired over the years from the hours I have spent watching programming from these two channels. I know things that I really have no business knowing. I think I know things that I am sure I don’t really know. For example, I am 90% certain that I could feel a bump on someone’s skin and tell you if it was a cyst or a lipoma. I did not even earn a First Aid badge in the Girl Scouts! I am confident that I could murder someone, hide the body, and totally get away with it. I watch all of the Snapped!, Dateline, and 48 Hours shows and know exactly where all of the murderers go wrong. I know about blood spatter, carpet fibers, cell phone records, lie detectors, etc. Granted, I faint when my kids have a nose bleed, but this is hypothetical. I am also well-versed on different reasons for hoarding, all sorts of podiatric issues, and the ins and outs of obtaining a visa within ninety days. I sometimes wonder why I bothered to go to college when I have learned so much so fast from just watching TV! So if any of my friends suddenly gains 600 pounds, becomes a hoarder, develops a chronic foot issue, and takes on a sister wife- please call me! I was made for this!
Speaking of hoarding, my family would say I am the anti-hoarder. Anything left unattended on a flat surface in my house for more than three minutes will be removed. After that time it will start to sting my eyeballs with its out-of-placeness. I love to clean. I love to actually clean things and I love things to be clean. I love cleaning supplies and cleaning tools. If you wonder about a new product, ask me. I have probably tried it. I scrub everything, even tiny things that have to be scrubbed with a toothbrush. I mop my garage. I clean the baseboards in my garage. I clean my trash before I put it in the trashcan because I don’t like my trashcan to be too dirty. That sounds weird even to me, but it is true.
The moms of young children are not going to believe my last one, but I love to hear my teenagers yell, “Mom!” When my kids were little, I told my sister that I wanted two phrases etched on my tombstone. “Hey, Teacher!” and “Mommy! I’m done pooping!” At that time, I swore that even in death, I would hear those two phrases ringing in my ears. Well, eventually I did stop hearing both of those. Thankfully. And when my kids were little they shouted “Mommy” all day long. All. Day. Long. I told them I was going to change my name. I could hear them saying it even when I was in the house by myself. It was a permanent loop in my head. I just wanted it to stop. Now I am close to the time when it will stop. My son is nineteen. He lives with us because he is in nursing school and we live close-by. He will not be here much longer. My daughter is sixteen. She won’t be here too much longer, either. They do not yell, “Mom” very often anymore. They kind of do their own thing and have their own lives going on. But I will still hear it a few times a week. I try to commit the sound to memory. It’s funny how something that I once took for granted I now treasure.
So those are my surprising “loves.” What do you love that might surprise me???
