I love teachers. I love to be around them. I love being one. There is no group of people I admire more than teachers. For the past sixteen or so years, I have been lucky enough to provide professional development for teachers as my job. I have gotten to spend time with kindergarten-twelfth grade teachers in a wide variety of schools. Because of that, I am now able to anticipate some things that will occur when I come into a school to provide professional development. These things do not always occur, and they certainly do not all occur in all schools, but there are some commonalities that are unmistakable. If you are a teacher, these may or may not apply to you. Perhaps they will remind you of some of your fellow teachers. Please do not take offense to anything I mention. It is all in fun. I remember how I felt about PD days as a teacher. Also keep in mind while reading this that I LOVE my job. But teachers really do not behave much differently than their students…
When a professional development day for kindergarten through twelfth grade teachers comes around, it is usually at the very beginning of the school year or the very end of the school year. Either way, the teachers have ten thousand things they need to do more urgently than listening to me. Plus, when teachers hear that the entire faculty is having one speaker, they immediately start the eye rolling. What can I say that will possibly apply to both kindergarten and advanced chemistry equally? That being said, 97% of the teachers will be perfectly polite the entire time I am there, and would be even if I stood in front of them and read aloud from a book the entire time. However, each group tends to react in predictable ways. What do I mean by that? I am going to give you a possible scenario. It is NOT based on a real school or real teachers. This did NOT really happen to me. But it is suprisingly close to things that have happened to me…
I always try to arrive at the school at least thirty minutes prior to the start time to get set up. I seem to have a lot of stuff to carry in- boxes, bags, and my computer. Often I am there before the principal or superintendent. Sometimes I even have to turn the lights on in the room where I am presenting. The first teacher I encounter is one I will call the “crusty teacher.” This teacher is the first one to arrive. Sometimes he/she is waiting for me in the room when I get there. He/she is not there to help. If the lights are off when he/she comes in, they will remain off. If the chairs are stacked on the tables, they will remain stacked. He/she is there to watch me. I always greet the crusty teacher, but I usually get a grunt as a response. The crusty teacher just watches me as I set up, put down chairs, and do anything that needs done. I could literally attempt to carry a grand piano across the room and the crusty teacher would watch from his/her spot.
A group of elementary teachers (primary grade) normally arrives next. They have snacks. Lots of snacks. And they have big teacher bags on their shoulders and on their arms. Each teacher has at least three bags. Many of the bags will be monogrammed. A few will have pictures of children on them. They all want to sit together, so they will pull tables together or move chairs to one table to ensure that they are not separated. Then they will put snacks and big drinks on the table to prepare for their day. One of the teachers will have forgotten something. Her husband will have to bring it to her on his way to work. They get a little louder with every passing minute. There will be squeals and shrieks.
The high school teachers are easy to spot. They come in and sit as far away from the elementary teachers as they can get. A few sit by the crusty teacher. A few sit back in the chairs by the computers that are not really even part of the same room. I will have to ask them to join the group. They all give me a good stare. I can tell they are checking to see if I have an elementary or secondary background. If I attempt anything cute, they are prepared to stop listening at any point. They do not have snacks. They have coffee. Black. And one sheet of paper and a black ink pen. They sigh a lot.
Teachers filter in until about five minutes past time to start and then the superintendent tells me that we are going to be a bit delayed. It seems that the middle school teachers got confused about the schedule. Some went to another building. Some thought we were starting later, and some thought they had the whole day off. The principal is attempting to round them up. Give it fifteen more minutes. Also, the high school science teachers won’t be attending. They are all coaches and varsity sports have practice on PD days. Ummm. Ok.
Fifteen minutes later, a few middle school teachers meander in. They have nothing. No paper, no snacks, no bags. They sit near the elementary teachers in the hopes that they will share their snacks. By this time, the high school teachers are tapping their black ink pens in irritation, so I know the show must go on. After introducing myself, I pass out white card stock and markers and ask all teachers to simply make table tents with their names and grade levels and maybe a quick fun fact about themselves. Then I will be able to address them by their names throughout the day.
The high school math teachers immediately call me over. They need to go to their rooms to get their interactive notebooks and textbooks.
Me: Really? You’re just making name tents.
Teachers: (sighing) We cannot complete any task without thinking about our content. We cannot separate process from content. You people never understand that.
Me: Ummm. Ok.
The first grade teachers are pulling extra materials out of their many bags. I see smelly markers, stickers, and holy crap- one of them has a Cricut!
The kindergarten teachers are wandering around the room. They have yet to sit down.
The middle school teachers need the directions repeated.
The fourth and fifth grade teachers are grumbling about something and amongst each other.
I move over the the high school English teachers. They ask for more card stock.
Me: Why do you need more? Did I count incorrectly?
Teachers: No. We all want to list all of the classic novels we have our students read in high school and our favorite quotes from each one. We have them memorized. The state of Missouri requires students to read certain novels, you know.
Me: Actually, the state of Missouri does not require certain novels, but that’s a conversations for another day. You know, you really only needed your name and subject and a fun fact, right?
Teachers: Quotes from classic novels are fun.
Me: Ummm. Ok.
I smell smoke. Oh, the first grade teachers are now laminating their table tents. One of them had a portable laminator in her bag. They are also blowing up balloons and have gotten out glitter glue and feathers.
The middle school teachers have asked for and gotten snacks from the primary teachers, so they are eating.
The kindergarten teachers have now formed a line and seem to be following me.
I approach the fourth and fifth grade grumblers.
Me: Can I help you with something?
Teachers: If those first grade teachers would spend a little less time decorating and a little more time teaching, we wouldn’t have kids who spelled was “w-u-z”!
Me: Well, they are probably just excited because they are around grown-ups today.
Teachers: Hmph. Something needs to be done about that nonsense.
Me: Ummmm. Ok.
The third grade teachers have scribbled their names on their table tents. Some letters are in cursive and some are printed. Now they are on their phones searching for new ways to teach their students to multipy and divide. They look a little frazzled.
The middle school teachers are folding their snack bags into footballs and playing games with them. They seem happy.
The first grade teachers are taking the extra card stock and building an actual tent in the back of the room. It looks surprisingly realistic.
I approach the high school social studies teachers, who have not touched their card stock.
Me: Are you going to start your name plates?
Teachers: No.
Me: May I ask why?
Teachers: We know what you’re doing. It’s another way for the government to track us. You’re going to turn those in. We’re not playing your game, Missy.
Me: Ummm. Ok.
I suddenly notice that the second grade teachers are gone. I ask the third grade teachers if they saw them leave. One looks up from Pinterest and tells me that the rubber cement that the first grade teachers were using to glue together the tent was making them all light-headed, so they went outside.
I finally turn around to address the kindergarten teachers who have been following me around the entire time.
Me: Can I help you all?
Teachers: You know kindergarten is just different, right?
Me: What do you mean?
Teachers: Well, it’s just different in kindergarten. We aren’t like all the other grades.
Me: Yes, I know about kindergarten. I taught first grade. I have worked with lots of kindergarten students and teachers.
Teachers: Some of our kids come in and aren’t even potty trained! Some don’t know their real name! Some of them can’t hold a pencil!
Me: Yes. I do know that.
Teachers: Well we can’t always do everything the way all these other teachers do it.
Me: You can’t make your table tents the way they can? Beacause that’s all I have asked you to do.
Teachers: Oh. We could probably do that. But we are really tired. Do you know how hard it is to teach kindergarten?
Me: Could you maybe just write your first name then?
Teachers: Ummm. Ok.
The only one left is the crusty teacher. I finally head over to him. (We’ll say it’s a male teacher this time. It could just as easily be a female.)
Me: Are you going to make a name table tent?
Crusty Teacher: No. I have made one before.
Me: Oh. Do you have it with you?
Crusty Teacher: No, but I know how to do it. I don’t need you to come here from the university to show me how to write my name on paper. I went to college.
Me: Of course. That’s not really the point. I just want to get to know everybody. It’s just to help me out. Maybe you could just tell me your name?
Crusty Teacher: You don’t need to know my name. I’m retiring at the end of the year.
Me. Ummmm. Ok.
As the day progresses, the teachers will slowly all come together. The middle school teachers will wake up and start to really contribute. The elementary teachers will start to mingle among grade levels and get along. The high school teachers will realize that they can dicuss teaching without the sole focus being their content. But that first hour or so is like a test. It is like when a class has a substitute teacher. They have to feel her out. I have to admit that it did throw me off the first few times. Now I find it amusing.
Still, there is no group of people I would rather spend the day with. Teachers, I have to know- did I nail it for any groups at your school? Which group would you be in? I would totally have been rubber cementing a tent in the back of the room! (And my bag is monogrammed- AND has a bow!)
