There is a certain someone who always encourages me to do the most unpleasant things. For example, I will tell her about something absolutely horrific that has happened to me that I have never told anyone before. She will agree that it is indeed horrific. Then she will suggest that I share this ghastly story with my closest friends over coffee and pastries at a cute little sidewalk cafe. Absolutely, I am NOT doing that. You see, I have fine-tuned the art of pushing down those unpleasant memories into the deep recesses of my body where no one can possibly see them or even guess that they are there. I am not sure exactly where they go. I suspect it is somewhere behind my gallbladder. Over the years, I have just added to my collection. I found it easier to just stuff them down into that spot rather than to deal with them. This really explains why my pants are often tight. (I knew it wasn’t from chocolate!) As long as I keep a super smiley face, and I am really helpful and nice, no one ever even inquires about anything. I can talk about clothes, vacations, kitty cats, and school. It is really the perfect set up. Until it isn’t. Until your body betrays you. Until all of those bad memories and unresolved issues start to fester and make you physically sick. Until you think you can’t get out of your chair or even take one step because it’s just too hard. And even though you look exactly the same on the outside, because you have perfected that over the years, your inside calls it quits. My inside called it quits about a year and a half ago. The only way to make it better was to pull out all of the stuff I had hidden away in there. It was positively one of the hardest things I have ever done. I’m still dragging out some of the last little gnarly bits.
So when Emily shared her story so openly, I was asked to do the same. Fortunately, Emily was not going to answer any questions without me answering, too. So I had already answered all of these questions. I had not intended to publish my responses, but I will. It is part of my healing, and part of my growing.
What is your fondest childhood memory?
One that comes to mind is bath time. When Tyra and I were very little, we took baths together. My dad worked late and usually came home after dinner, during our bath. He would come upstairs into the bathroom where Mom was giving us a bath and toss one little ice cube into the bath water. Tyra and I would squeal and giggle as if the water had dropped 30 degrees. He did it every night, but it was a routine that I remember as very sweet and comforting.
If you could have dinner with any person, who would you choose?
(I had to think about this way too long and Emily became very annoyed.) I guess I would choose Marie Clay. She did the research in Reading Recovery. I would love to speak with her about how your children acquire literacy. (Emily rolled her eyes and appeared to die of boredom.)
If you could have dinner with any living person, who would you choose?
Hmmm. It would have to be another person who works with literacy and children. Maybe Irene Fountas or Gay Su Pinnell? Or maybe an author who writes children’s books. Definitely someone like that. (You’d just have to see Emily’s face at this point. Priceless.)
What is your proudest moment?
I’m going to be honest. I totally lied to Emily on this one. I told her that my proudest moment was when I was awarded Teacher of the Year. That was nice, but it was not my proudest moment. I think I might have received that because I was old. I told her that because I felt like I had to say something that had been about ME. My proudest moments have really all been about Matthew and Emily. I practically burst with pride every time they do anything. Every time they stood on the risers at the elementary music concerts, I sat in the crowded gym and just smiled so big I almost cracked my lips. They didn’t even have solos! I just thought they were the cutest little things I had ever seen and I was so proud to see them up there. So you can imagine how proud I am when they actually win an award or graduate or sing a solo. I am proud of them every day. There is nothing that makes me more proud.
If you were the President, what would you try to reform?
I bet you can guess where I am going to go with this one! Schools. I would reform public schools. There is a tremendous lack of equity. It breaks my heart. I would also have to address literacy. It has to be made a priority. Not a priority among the fifteen other priorities. THE priority, along with math and problem solving. We have to teach our students to be responsible adults. Some schools are teaching students to take tests and it is deplorable. We should be ashamed of what is going on in some of our schools.
What do you most admire about me (Emily)?
I admire Emily’s compassion. Emily sees the needs of others and wants to make a difference. She doesn’t just think things are sad. She does something. She gives her tips to homeless people. She buys food for people standing on the roadways. She wants to adopt children. She has called me at work many times to tell me about something at school that she feels is unfair. It often doesn’t even involve her in any way. She cares deeply about other people. And I am very proud that she now cares deeply about herself, too.
What would you change about me (Emily)?
(Emily did not like my answer at all, but this is what I told her.) I wish Emily did not work so much. She got a job as soon as she turned sixteen and she has worked non-stop since then. She takes her job very seriously. I would like to see her lay off the working so much and take more time to just enjoy herself. I would like to see her more. I miss her.
What would you change about yourself?
I wish it were easier for me to share my emotions with other people. I would like to be able to tell people exactly how I am feeling, without hiding anything. I keep my emotions very much to myself. It would be so freeing to be able to just share them. (Emily agreed with this. That made me sad.)
Describe yourself in three words.
This changes for me all the time. Today, right now, I would say that I am responsible, kind, and funny.
What is your best attribute?
I honestly cannot remember what I told Emily. I am going to go with the fact that I genuinely care about people. I do not put on a front about that. I care about the people I interact with throughout the day. I want the best for them. I want to do what I can to make the world a better place for all people.
Who do you most admire and why?
I told Emily that I most admire an author. But I have rethought that. I don’t admire any one person. I admire people who put their lives at risk for others. I admire firefighters, police officers, military service people, etc. They are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. I greatly admire not only them, but their families.
Where would you most like to visit?
Lots of places! I want to go on a cruise in the Mediterranean Sea. I also want to go back to the Bahamas.
What will your life look like in ten years?
I hope to be retired, or semi-retired. I hope to have grandchildren! I am not too anxious, but when the time is right, I am very excited to have grandchildren. I do love babies. I hope to do a lot of traveling. Maybe I can even convince Mark to go to Europe and Australia!
What is your most embarrassing moment?
This is an easy one. I was about nineteen and I thought I was extra-cute. I had a bright red Mustang convertible with the top down. It was a beautiful summer day. I was leaving a store and got into my car in the parking lot. The store was having a sidewalk sale. All of the employees and many customers were outside. When I started my car and began to back out of my parking spot, I guess I was just too fabulous to turn my head around to look behind me. I backed right into the car parked behind me! All of the people outside turned and stared at me. I had to get out of my car and walk back to see if I had damaged either car. Luckily, I had not. Then I had to drive away in front of all of those people. It was absolutely mortifying.
What is your favorite thing about yourself?
I don’t remember what I told Emily. I guess I will say that my favorite thing is that I was very shy when I was young, and I have overcome that and am now able to speak in front of groups of people and meet new people without being nervous. I can speak in front of large groups of adults or children and it doesn’t bother me a bit. That’s very different from when I was little.
How do you describe our family to others?
Of course, I have to mention my two cats. (I had to throw that in for Emily. She believes I love them more than the people in my family.) My two cats are perfect and lovable and I have thousands of pictures of them that I will gladly show anyone. I also have two amazingly smart and beautiful children who I talk about all day long. My husband, Mark, usually gets mentioned in stories when he does something that annoys me, or when he does something really nice.
What is your worst fear?
Loss. I fear loss. I fear losing someone I love. I particularly fear losing Matthew or Emily. It is a very real and prevalent fear for me. If the phone rings and one of them is out, I automatically think something has happened to one of them. If one of them is sick, I fear all sorts of terrible diseases are causing the symptoms. My reactions are overly dramatic and are caused by past trauma. It is very difficult for me.
What’s the most important lesson I (Emily) ever taught you?
Emily taught me that you cannot take life for granted. One day your entire world may be turned upside down. You have to know what’s important. Many things just aren’t.
